Tag: family

Hey, all! It’s been some time since we last chatted, but I hope all is well with everyone. This blog will be a bit lengthy, so please bear with me.

What worrying too much can do to you?

How many of us are worriers? How many are not aware you are a worrier?

For a long time, I was a worrier even to the point that it affected my health in ways such as constant stomach problems, always feeling nauseated, facial breakouts, weight loss, and hair loss. This all started when I became a victim of abuse and domestic violence.  I suspect it was the fear and not knowing what’s to come next. How do I protect myself, my children, finances?  How do I continue to work, maintain some shelter, and ensure my survival? This was only the beginning of my worrying, and it just progressed over the years as the situations worsened.

Finally, after a visit to my doctor who explained that my hair loss, and everything else that was going on with me, was due to the stress and anxiety.  The doctor advised speaking with a counselor, someone who was non-judgmental and unfamiliar to me. My doctor told me that I was an “inner” worrier which was not good and would continue to jeopardize my health.  After a few counseling sessions, I realized that this was the best thing that I could ever have done for myself. Trust me when I say, you do NOT want to hold on to past negative experiences.  It will eat you alive and tear away at your being.  You do your best try to protect those close to you but what about protecting yourself? Anyhow, after counseling I began to worry less and was able to focus more on family and living. I have been trying to get this meditation thing down, breathing exercise and praying more to keep those nasty boogers called stress and worry out of my life.  And I have to say, it feels good to feel good.

As I got better, my hair grew back, I was able to maintain, my stomach problems went away and my face cleared up.  Some people may think speaking with counselor/psychotherapist means you must have been crazy or something, but you don’t and you’re not.  It is not a sign of weakness but strength. Sometimes you just need to talk, get “it” off your chest, open up about things kept quiet.  It would surprise you how much better you’ll feel.  There’s something enlightening about unloading all the suppressed anger, the sadness, the hurt or whatever your non-physical issues may be.

Many years have gone by since I was in a bad place, but I am definitely in a better place, feeling better about myself and not worrying as much, so I think.

Sometimes I believe that I am no longer a worrier because I stay pretty much happy these days and try to avoid all the drama that surrounds me barring the drama I watch on television. But, there are also times when I believe that worry is still lying just beneath the surface when fighting off to stress from family issues, relationship issues (feeling caught in the middle or being pulled from each end) or just concerns of the heart. Heartbreaking at times.

Other things that worry me from time to time is my writing – will I get my stories completed, will it read good, will I get my books edited and published.  Writing can get financially exhausting when you’re going at it alone. The difference between some self-publishing authors and celebrities is that when a star decides to write a book or are approached to write a book, literary agents and publishing companies seek them out and give them all the necessary people and tools to make it happen. I won’t let this stop me, and I will continue writing and trying to perfect my skill until I get tired of writing and throw in the towel, wave the white flag or scream uncle. In the meantime, everything is everything and I am hopeful that all else will fall into place.   I ask the question. How does one just turn off the worry button?

Another source of discontentment is that I have two other grandchildren that I don’t get to see, not by choice, and they are growing up without me.  This, as well as, family issues, family division, stressful work environment and other nonsense that is out of my control also try to contribute.  But I actively look for different ways to manage.  For the more personal things, I try to separate myself from the issues, but at the same time, I try not to come across as uncaring although it may seem that way to some.  As much as I know how worrying jeopardizes my health mentally, emotionally and physically, this is something I prefer not to go through anymore.  I was recently diagnosed with other health issues to include osteoarthritis and hyperthyroidism.  Both of them just suddenly popped up out of nowhere when I previously had no symptoms or signs.  But, as much as I dislike the idea of having these condition, it is good that they are under control now and I am coping with them.

I have realized, and I hope that everyone can understand, I cannot solve everyone’s problems.  I can only help where possible and give my opinion when asked.  Everyone is responsible for their own lives.  It’s hard enough keeping up with everything going on my own life, let alone trying to direct someone else’s life.  This additional stress and worry are not worth the price of my health.  I have to take care of me which means I must relax, release and remain happy.  Once I am happy, then I can share happiness.  But the opposite is true also.

I don’t know what you may worry about, but if you find yourself worrying to the point that it’s taking a toll on your life, your relationships, or even worse, your health, you owe it to yourself stop the insanity and try to find a solution that works for you to reduce your worrying.  Otherwise, it will be your health that is impacted when the issue was not yours, to begin with.  We have to make a change before it affects our health or, even worse, sends us to an early grave.  Somethings we can impact.  Something we can’t impact.  In measured doses, we should limit our concerns and worries to the things we can impact.  And furthermore, we must avoid making the small issue into extra-large issues if/when it’s not necessary and doesn’t move us closer to a good place.

I started reading “How To Stop Worrying and Start Living” By Dale Carnegie for the second time because sometimes you need just that little extra help or push.

Let me just give you a few paragraphs, paraphrasing, and quotes from the book that has given me food for thought.

Professor William James, the father of applied psychology had a formula for stress, and that same idea was expressed by Lin Yutang, a Chinese philosopher who said, “True peace of mind comes from accepting the worst.”

Rule 2, according to Willis H. Carrier, is if you have a worrying problem, you can address them by applying this magic formula found in doing these three things:

1. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”
2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

Dr. O. F. Gober states, “Fear causes worry. Worry makes you tense and nervous and affects the nerves of your stomach and actually changes the gastric juices of your stomach from normal to abnormal and often leads to stomach ulcers.”

Dr. Joseph F. Montague says, “You do net get stomach ulcers from what you eat . You get stomach ulcers from what is eating you.”

Dr. Harold C. Habein of the Mayo Clinic says: Can any man possibly be a success who is paying for business advancement with stomach ulcers and heart trouble? What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world-and loses his health? Even if he owned the whole world, he could sleep only in one bed at a time and only eat three meals a day. Even a new employee can do that-and probably sleep more soundly and enjoy his food more than a high-powered executive. Frankly, I would rather be a carefree person with no responsibility than wreck my health at forty-five by trying to run a company.

Mayo brothers said, “nervous troubles” are caused by emotions of futility, frustration, anxiety, worry, fear, defeat, despair.

Plato stated that “the greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind; yet the mind and body are one and should not be treated separately!”

Worry can put you into a wheelchair with rheumatism and arthritis says Dr. Russell L. Cecil a world recognized authority on arthritis. There are four commonest conditions that bring on arthritis:

1. Marital shipwreck
2. Financial disaster and grief
3. Loneliness and worry
4. Long-cherished resentments

Worry can cause tooth decay, Dr. Wiiliam I. L. McGonigle ADA that, “unpleasant emotions such as those caused by worry, fear, nagging…may upset the body’s calcium balance and cause tooth decay. It can also cause acute overactive thyroid problems. The thyroid gland, that gland that regulates the body, has been thrown out of kilter. It speeds up the heart-the whole body is roaring away at full blast; like a furnace with all of its drafts wide open. And if this isn’t checked, by operation or treatment, the victim, may die, may “burn himself out.”

Who would have known such a thing about tooth decay? Not me.

Dr. Israel Bram said to ask yourself, “What emotional disturbance brought on this condition?” if you don’t stop worrying, you can bring on other complications: heart trouble, stomach ulcers, or diabetes. “All these disease, “are cousins, first cousins.”

Do you love life? Do you want to live long and enjoy good health? Here is how you can do it. “Those who keep the peace of their inner selves in the midst of the tumult of the modern city are immune from nervous disease.” According to Dr. Alexis Carrel

Dr. Carrell also said, “He does believe that a cheerful mental attitude helps the body fight disease, thanks to these challenging, fighting words:  Face the facts: Quit worrying; then do something about it!’”

“Those who do not know how to fight worry die young” -Dr. Alexis Carrel

Can you do this? Can you keep the peace of your inner self in the midst of the tumult of a modern city? The answer is “yes.” Most of us are stronger than we realize.

Of course, I could go on but, you will just have to read the book for yourself.

What I am writing:

I am currently writing a few short stories, no release dates now but coming soon.

What I am watching:

“13 R3asons Why” (Netflix) everyone should watch, parents, teachers, teens and counselors

“The Handmaids Tale” (Netflix)

“Harlot” (Hulu)

My Favorite Regular Series: Rebel, The Blacklist, Blacklist Redemption, Scandal, Grey’s Anatomy, Fargo, Designated Survivor, Rogue, Blackish, Modern Family, Empire, PTL, Better Call Saul, Jane The Virgin, Gotham, Into The Badlands, Reign, Quantico, Outsiders, Underground, Greenleaf and caught up on season one of Imposters (remember I am open to all genres of movies)

My 2017 Reading Challenge on Goodreads:

I am reading book 13 out of my 2017 reading goal, 15. Last year my goal was 50 books and I read 51. This year I set the bar lower,  because I am a very busy woman, although I am sure I will surpass my goals.

On Another Note:

We shouldn’t worry about tomorrow or what it will bring and just make the most of today.  We should, however, give some attention to saving for our retirement years.  And if you are not investing in your future, it’s not too late to start today.   You can start putting aside $5, 10, 20, 25.00 per week, per month whatever you can afford.   You can even consider investing in a 401k, certificate of deposit (CD),  savings account, or stocks/bond.  If all else fails, but only as a last resort, put some funds away in a piggy bank, shoe box, hole in the wall, or bury it in your yard.  Just kidding on those last suggestions.  But the point is, start saving officially somewhere.  Once you make the commitment, you won’t even think about it and once one that’s out of site out of mind and build your nest egg. If you don’t, who will?

I hope you don’t plan to work your entire life, and I am sure that you wouldn’t want to.  At some point, you will want to stop working and start doing something you like – like seeing the world, starting a new business, spending more time with the grandkids, pursue a new hobby, remodel your home, drive a nice car, etc.  It’s up to you to make this sacrifice for you.  Truth be told, you can’t depend on another to take care of you when you get old – nothing is guaranteed.  Just something to think about and look into, don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.

You want to feel and look like this –

 

not like this – 

 

Until next time, peace, love, respect, and unity

“It’s Funny How People Need You Until They Don’t”